Love is supposed to be uplifting, a source of support, comfort, and growth. Yet, you might unknowingly fall into toxic relationship patterns, mistaking them for signs of deep passion or commitment. These common habits slowly erode the foundation of your partnership. Recognizing and breaking free is essential to building a life with a relationship that thrives on mutual respect and emotional well-being.

1. Keeping Score: Love Is Not a Competition

“But I did the dishes last night…” One of the most damaging habits in relationships is keeping score. Who does which chores, constantly recalling past mistakes or mentioning past sacrifices to gain leverage, means your relationship has a tally sheet where each partner tries to “win.” When love is a competition, the focus shifts from supporting each other to proving who deserves more.

How to Break the Competitive Cycle

Instead of keeping track of who does what, focus on generosity. Give because you love, not because you expect something in return. Operate on trust, not debts and repayments.

2. Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Speak Your Truth

Sulking. The silent treatment. Snide comments. Sometimes, your partner just “knows” what’s wrong. But love doesn’t come with mind-reading powers. Honest and direct communication is the key to understanding, even when it’s complicated.

How to Break the Passive Aggressive Cycle

When something is bothering you, say so with kindness and clarity. Your feelings are valid, and expressing them openly prevents resentment.

3. The “Testing” Game: Love Isn’t a Challenge

Testing your partner’s love by making them jealous? Withholding affection to see if they’ll chase you? These behaviors build insecurity, not trust. Games and manipulations won’t give you validation.

How to Break the Testing Game Cycle

If you need to test your partner’s devotion, take a step back and reflect on why. Is it a personal insecurity? A past wound? A need for control? Address these underlying feelings honestly and work towards security that doesn’t rely on emotional tests.

4. Expecting Your Partner to “Fix” You: Love Is Support, Not a Cure

We all bring emotional baggage, but expecting a partner to heal past wounds unfairly burdens them. Love is a source of comfort, but it is not a replacement for personal growth and self-work. If you struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, or past trauma, your partner can support you, but they cannot fix you.

How to Break the Fix You Cycle

Seek self-awareness, therapy, or personal development alongside your relationship to foster growth for both individuals and strengthen your bond.

5. Emotional Blackmail: Love Is Not a Weapon

Threatening to leave. Withholding affection. Being overly emotional. These forms of control are one of the most toxic dynamics. Emotional blackmail sets up a foundation of fear rather than security. No one should feel love is conditional or used as leverage.

How to Break the Blackmail Cycle

Practice emotional safety. Make your partner feel secure in the relationship by resolving conflicts through calm discussion rather than threats or ultimatums. Love should feel like a safe harbor, not an unpredictable storm.

6. Prioritizing Being “Right” Over Being Kind

Disagreements are inevitable. But both of you lose when the goal becomes “winning” the argument rather than working together.

How to Break the Being Right Cycle

Choose your battles wisely. And when you do disagree, work towards a solution together, not trying to figure out who is right.

Moving Away from Toxic Relationship Habits

Breaking these toxic habits requires self-awareness, patience, and a commitment to personal growth. The good news? You can work together to improve your relationship with effort and practice. Make a commitment as a couple to:

• Communicate openly and kindly. Express your feelings without fear, without blame.
• Embrace personal growth. A relationship thrives when both partners commit to becoming better versions of themselves.
• Recognize and unlearn toxic patterns. Awareness is the first step in change. Acknowledge unhealthy habits and actively work on replacing them with healthier ones.
• Choose love over ego. Being in a relationship isn’t about being right all the time. It’s about solving problems together to have a better life.
• Prioritize emotional safety. A strong relationship is built on trust, not on fear or insecurity.

Make your love a source of joy, security, and personal growth. By breaking free from toxic habits and embracing healthier relationship dynamics, you can build on your connection to make it even more fulfilling.