A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.