People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up

Life is sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor

Hark to the whimper of the seagull. / He weeps because he's not an ea-gull. / Suppose you were, you silly seagull. / Could you explain it to your she-gull?

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, And that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold