Men are only as loyal as their options
Stop worrying. Hollywood wonâ€™t turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on drugs... I will
False hope really makes you cynical
When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That's something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they're talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease
I think religion is bad and drugs are good
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, theyâ€™ve seen me laugh, and theyâ€™ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country
Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner I couldn't think of a better time to share one of my favorite children's classics, it's called: "How the Grinch Stole the Election". And ah--I'd like to read it to you now, shall we?
Every Jew down in Jew-vile liked elections a lot,
But the Grinch who lived over in Austin did not.
I know they'll be voting for Gore, he was thinking,
By Wednesday--the latest--I'll be back to my drinking.
Election Day came and the voting was close,
At one point the Grinch even started to boast,
'It's the Grinch by a nose!' all the newsmen exclaimed,
Even Dan Rather who was clearly insane.
But was he the winner, hey not so fast--
Al Gore called him up and said, "Grinch, kiss my ass!"
The race was too tight to say who was elected,
The Grinch was so stressed his face got infected.
All eyes turned to Jewville to sort out the mess,
But Hyman and Hershel and dear old Aunt Bess,
Were too senile to vote for the one that they liked,
They poked the wrong hole and joined the Third Reich.
The Jews down in Jewville took to the streets,
To complain about fraud, not to mention the heat.
The Grinch said something that couldn't be gosher,
'This election my friends, is perfectly kosher.'
Then a judge ruled each vote should be counted by hand,
The Grinch said, 'That's not what my brother Jeb had planned.'
His lawyers filed motions and junctions and writs,
Demanding that Gore and the Jews call it quits.
But just when the Grinch thought the deal had gone through,
He met Cindy Lou Lipshitz, age 92.
'Why?' she cried, 'Did you steal our election?'
The Grinch just laughed and gave her a lethal injection.
They say the Grinch's ego grew 3 sizes that day,
Unfortunately his brain went the opposite way.
So here's a lesson for now and for later,
Donâ€™t blame me-- I voted for Nader
And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has a pack in his back, my answer is, if someone was feeding him answers, couldn't they be able to feed him better ones than he came up with
Dirty Sprite 2 ,
If You're Reading This It's Too Late,
Nothing Was The Same ,
To Pimp a Butterfly,