The fairways were so narrow you had to walk down them single file

Until you play it, St. Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away

The only reason I played golf was so that I could afford to go hunting and fishing

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish

Golf is played with the arms

Thinking instead of acting is the number-one golf disease

The greens are harder than a whore's heart

Never let up. The more you can win by, the more doubts you put in the other players' minds the next time out