Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture

Me fail english? Thats unpossible

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems

Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come

When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities

When you grow up your mother says, Wear rubbers or you'll catch cold. When you become an adult you discover that you have the right not to wear rubbers and to see if you catch cold or not. It's something like that

Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called making love. Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said sex is good. All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.