Never order food in excess of your body weight

Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice

Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there

Skiing: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hil

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television

Never accept a drink from a urologist