The problem in this case was you just can't be a middle-aged virgin in America without something be wrong with you. People can't conceive of a virtue in someone else that they can't conceive in themselves. Instead of believing you're stronger, it's so much easier to imagine you're weaker. You're addicted to self-abuse. You’re a liar. People are always ready to believe the opposite of what you tell them

The thing about sex is no matter how much you crave it, you can forget it

The magic of sex is it’s acquisition without the burden of possessions. No matter how many women you take home, there’s no storage problem

For sure, even the worst blow job is better than, say, sniffing the best rose . . . watching the greatest sunset. Hearing children laugh

It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget

You know, the condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip it on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, then you throw it away. The condom, I mean. Not the stranger

Are these things really better than the things I already have? Or am I just trained to be dissatisfied with what I have now? Am I just under a spell that says nothing is ever good enough

It’s not that I want to get married. I admire guys who can commit to a tattoo

It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die

There will always be cougars outside. It's such a chick thing to think that life should just go on forever