If you don't like how the table is set, turn it over. One of the many quotes from the character Frank Underwood in the TV series house of cards, this one is a great way of pointing out something we all know, even if we try to avoid recognizing it. The basic idea behind the saying is that if things are not as you want them to be, change them, but the delivery of the line, and why we need to be told this, tell us much more about human behavior and how we can trap ourselves in situations we do not like or want.

Played by Kevin Spacey, Frank Underwood offers life lessons and quotes throughout the series, but this one, unlike many, is delivered to another character, rather than an aside to camera. This emphasizes the importance of the lesson, even to highly qualified people supposedly on top of their game. If you don’t like the situation, change it.

But why is something so obvious also something we need to be told? Because changing things takes effort, and it means taking responsibility. These are two things we all like to avoid where possible, no matter how much we pretend otherwise. It is very easy to moan about a job, a relationship or a situation, talk about how much you dislike it as if it is all happening to you, and you are powerless to do anything about it. Accepting that yes, things are bad, but also yes, instead of complaining, we should set out to make it different, is difficult. Not just because of the effort involved, and in the case of relationships, conversations no one really wants to have, but because it may also involve admitting we got ourselves into this in the first place.

If you don’t like how the table is set turn it over, is not just advice for dealing with bad situations, it is a lesson in personal responsibility, that we shouldn’t just accept things as they are, but be proactive in doing something about them.