1. Understand the process. After a bad breakup you are mourning the person that you lost. Your grief can be intense, almost like the individual died, because they are lost to you. Accept that you are in a period of grieving and that this is a natural part of the process. Trying to deny the pain or bury it deep inside will only make it last longer and keep you from working through these emotions.
2. Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can be a very cathartic exercise which will help you get through the grief and other negative emotions faster and more effectively. Write down everything that you feel and all of the thoughts you have on the previous relationship with your ex. Change is part of growth, and writing everything down will help you work things through so that you learn and grow as an individual.
3. Get some distance. You may be tempted to go where you know your ex will be, or to hang around their favorite places hoping to catch a glimpse of them. Don't do it, this will only cause the situation to escalate and increase your pain. Now that the relationship is over you need to look forward instead of dwelling on what used to be.
4. Refuse to play the blame game. This will prevent you from growing because it allows you to place all of the blame for the failure of the relationship solely on your ex, without considering the mistakes you made as well. Be honest about what happened and accept that both people in a failed relationship could have done things differently.
5. Get out there and have some fun. You may have been thrown but that does not mean that you can no longer enjoy yourself. Have an evening with the girls or guys, spending time with people you care about and who you can count on for moral and emotional support, This can help you avoid brooding about the breakup and isolating yourself completely.
6. Talk to someone that you trust and can confide in. A close friend or a trusted family member can be a great listener when you want to get things off your chest. Whether you want to talk about what is bothering you, get the perspective of an independent party, or even need someone as a sounding board for your ideas a friend on loved one who is willing to listen can be invaluable.
7. Make an effort at organization. Right now you probably feel like your life is falling apart and everything is in shambles. What better time to get organized is there? The mental and physical effort required to organize things will distract you from negative thoughts and emotions, and a well organized space will make you feel better when you are done.
8. Focus your concentration on another area of your life. Put all of your energy and time into your work, or volunteer for a worthy charity that could use your help. This will give you something to do that keeps you busy, and when you are busy you are less likely to think about the pain or reminisce about how things used to be.
9. Get an education. Going back to school is an option at any age. This will not only give you something to focus on instead of your ex but it will also help you grow and become a better and more well rounded person. An education is something that no one can ever take away if they leave.
10. Pamper yourself in a positive way. Spend a day at the spa, go on a cruise, or pamper yourself in another way that won't break your bank account. Even a home spa day with the girls, giving each other facials and manicures, can help get you out of the dark place and brighten your thoughts and mood up.
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