A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed